How to Write Email Opening Lines

On Saturday, October 26, 2013, Buffer users found an email from Joel Gascoigne in their inboxes. The subject read "Buffer has been hacked - here is what's going on," and many of them may already have seen spam go out from their own accounts.

After a brief apology, the email gave readers the incident details:

Buffer was hacked around 1 hour ago, and many of you may have experienced spam posts sent from you via Buffer.

By the end of that line, a reader knew roughly when it happened and what to look for on their own profile. Whatever you send by Email, your opening faces the same test: how far does someone read before they get what the subject promised?

Pay off the reason someone opened

Your email probably carries a smaller promise than Buffer's. If the subject says a guide is ready, hand over the guide. If it announces a change, state the change.

Follow that move through an invented workshop email. Saturday's session will start at 11 a.m., one hour later than planned, and existing bookings remain valid. The email needs to give booked attendees the new time before they travel.

One attendee has already chosen a bus for the original start and saved the booking confirmation. They need to know whether to change their travel plans and whether that confirmation still works.

Move the changed time into the opening

The news waits behind the company

We've been working hard on Saturday's workshop, and we want to share an update with you.

The attendee learns the new time

Your Saturday workshop now starts at 11 a.m., one hour later than planned.

The revised opening gives attendees the fact they need to change their plans.

Underline the first fact an attendee needs in each draft. In the first, the new start time is still missing. In the revision, they can adjust their plans after one sentence.

Treat the first sentence and inbox preview as connected surfaces

When you don't set preview text, many email clients borrow the first lines of the message. Litmus's preview-text guide adds that some clients pull image alt text instead, and it shows a preview running straight into "View this email in your browser."

The detail from that guide I like most is how much the inbox varies. Depending on the client and their settings, readers might see five lines of preview, about 278 characters, or none at all.

Make the workshop opening stand on its own too. The preview can remind attendees to check their travel plans; the opening still needs the changed time, because some readers will never see that preview.

Keep the workshop time in the message itself

Subject

• Saturday's workshop now starts at 11 a.m.

Preview

• Check the new arrival time before you travel.

Opening

• State the new time in the body even if it already appears in the inbox.

The subject-line lesson covers writing subject and preview pairs. Hide the workshop preview and read from subject to opening. Both still name Saturday's workshop and its new time; neither depends on a "this" whose meaning disappeared with the preview.

Keep image alt text descriptive. Set preview text separately, then check what the inbox actually displays.

How do you choose an opening line?

Match the opening to what the reader has to do next. For a requested download, put the file link in the opening. For a moved workshop, give the new time there.

A price change works the same way. Put the new price and the date it starts in one sentence, so nobody has to scroll to learn when it applies to them.

An observation can open an editorial newsletter if it names something the reader will recognise. Keep claims about their experience within what you know.

Buffer described spam that may have gone out from users' accounts. Use that same care when you describe a possible effect: leave room for readers whose accounts or circumstances differ.

A scene works when it really happened. If nobody on your team lived it, frame it as something to imagine, or skip it and explain.

Invented openings for four kinds of email

Resource delivery

Here's the checklist you asked for. The link is right below this line.

Put the link beside the opening so the reader can use it straight away.

Changed arrangements

Saturday's session has moved to the ground-floor studio.

The changed fact comes first. Reasons and options can follow it.

Incident update

Our booking page went down at 9 a.m., and some of you may have been charged twice.

Say what happened and who may be affected. Mark anything you haven't confirmed yet.

Show more

Editorial observation

Most of the renewal questions we got this month were about one form.

Use it only if your support inbox shows it, and explain the form in the next sentence.

Make warmth specific enough to mean something

For the workshop email, try "We know you'll be delighted by our exciting update." Our attendee is checking a bus route and a saved confirmation. Replace that guessed reaction with "Your place is still booked," which answers the booking question.

"Hope you're well" sounds natural between colleagues in an ongoing conversation. In a newsletter, keep it only if it's doing something. If the reader has to scroll past it to find the news, move the news up.

In Nielsen Norman Group's qualitative newsletter research, published in 2017, relevance and expectations shaped what participants counted as unwanted email, even when they'd subscribed. Use that finding to review whether your opening delivers the topic your signup form promised.

The email copywriting lesson starts with that subscription promise, and the promise sets your tone too. An alert can sound brisk and kind. A reference newsletter can sound curious.

A greeting can stay if the news still lands on that first screen.

Kind words still have to leave room for the news

A logo and a long greeting can fill the first screen before anything useful appears. Count what the reader has learned by the first scroll.

Let the second sentence answer the next question

Extend the reassurance to "Your place is still booked; see the revised schedule below for the new arrival time." The second sentence settles the booking question and gives the schedule link a clear job.

Read that sentence after the changed start time. The first tells the attendee what has changed; the second explains what the change means for their booking and where to check arrival details.

Mailchimp's style guide recommends putting important information first and keeping the purpose clear. Leave a paragraph promoting another workshop for a separate message. Here it would stand between the changed time and the schedule attendees need to check.

Read the opening in its actual setting

Send a test to your phone and read from the sender name down to the first link. A big banner or a long salutation can push a direct opening below the first screen.

Check again with images turned off, so nothing important lives inside a graphic. In the workshop test, the 11 a.m. start and the revised-schedule link should still be readable. Open that link and compare the schedule's start time with the email's.

Once the opening works, the email body has to carry the promise all the way to the action.

Rewrite the first two sentences

Pick an email you're about to send, ideally one carrying news someone needs, and work through it in place. The workshop revision gives you a model: keep the changed fact visible as you check the path from inbox to schedule.

Rewrite the opening in place

1. Copy the inbox view

   Put the sender name and subject above the opening paragraph. Include the preview if it appears.

2. Find the delayed information

   Mark the first fact the reader needs. Move it into the opening paragraph.

3. Send a test

   Open it on your phone and check where that fact appears before you scroll.

Open your test on the phone and put your thumb on the first fact your reader needs. If it falls below the first screen, cut the banner line or the greeting that sits above it.

The attendee follows the schedule link and checks the arrival time against a later bus. They save the new route beside the existing confirmation and update their calendar; the email has answered both questions they needed settled before travelling.